i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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