I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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