if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who died my cat blue again?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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