Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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