let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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