It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
