Please, let me fuck your mom
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
