9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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