I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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