Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This girl is more easily done than said...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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