Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
