No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
