I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
