I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
