the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
