Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
