Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
