I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
