Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
