You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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