I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
