Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
