I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
