lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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