You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
