Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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