It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
