you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
