Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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