This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
