If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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