I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
