i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
