Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
