he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize