It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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