her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
