dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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