The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This toilet bowl is my home.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
