this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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