so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's paper in my vomit.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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