he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm like, not good at living.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
