Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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