When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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