i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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