All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
