god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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