I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
