Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
