the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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