Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize