i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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