Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
