What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
