I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
