i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So gin and wine won't be happening again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
