from now on my penis is your penis
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
