Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
