watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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