dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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