So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
