I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
