It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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