Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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