I wish life had little blips of pornography
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm at about main and main street
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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