On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize