I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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