I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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