Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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