Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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