remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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