Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
