It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
