i just wanna soil my oats bro
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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