You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
