I heard we made out
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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