Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
