well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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