I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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