i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
