sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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