"it" just moved
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
50% drunk capacity currently
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
