my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
