So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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